Motherhood milestone: My son’s preschool :)

Recently my son started preschool at Pristine Rainbow Nursery. Oh of course the first two weeks commenced with wailing and crying and me and my hubby sitting and contemplating if we had made the right decision and if he would be able to settle in smack in the middle of the year. We wondered if he was happy at school and just basically worried all the time and usually my hubby more than me.

Into the third week we were invited by his school to attend ‘Sports Day’ and that’s when everything changed. Burhanuddin is my first born and it was his first occasion ever and it meant so so much to me! I was so proud to see him up there.  Racing zig-zag making his way through little traffic cones, crawling through a tiny tunnel, jumping on the trampoline and doing other fun stuff with his class mates. I especially liked the children dancing on hokey-pokey and shaking their pom-poms on the ‘Rainbow parade song’.

The way this day meant so much to me made me realize how my parents must have felt when they walked me through pre-scool, middle school, high school, college and university! The hard work that goes behind just sending a child to school just dawned on me. I had a flashback of all the clothes my mom ironed, the lunches she packed for me and how she varied them so that I wouldnt get bored, the way she insisted she tie my shoelaces and how dad came to drop me off every morning. We didn’t own a car and my school was an hour’s drive from home so when I missed my school bus my dad would patiently get a taxi and drop me off to school. And he would sometimes do it twice a week too- when i missed my bus on purpose because it picked me up to early and I needed that time to revise for my quiz! I was really a nerd wasn’t I!

Sometimes I feel that we realize what our parents have done for us, the little routine things like sending us to school and attending our school functions and ceremonies- only when we become parents ourselves. A few hours of seeing my kid happy at school enjoying his activities on sports day meant the world to me and made me realize how my parents must have felt and that all that I have accomplished in my academic life was because of what they did to support me.

I have hit a new milestone in my journey called motherhood and I hope that I am half as good as my parents were.

Do You Doodle Anymore?

“One of the strangest things about doodling is that no-one tells us what we should be doing yet many of us end up doodling similar things” (Caroline Blakiston, Actress)

Take a trip down memory lane, remember your school and college days, remember the freshly bought copies and registers oozing of that lovely smell of fresh new paper? How tempting and darkly pleasing it was to doodle your name in and draw abstract everythings and anythings especially on the front and last pages?

Oh and remember those never ending Math lessons? Or perhaps geography lessons in which endless classifications of rocks, plateaus, and rivers sent you in a trance and your little head started swimming- and lo and behold a doodle masterpiece was created where there should have been humble lecture notes or neat margins.

Also, not so long ago when there weren’t smart-phones and searchable sim/phone/Google contact lists there used to be a telephone diary and notepad lying next to the telephone and during long conversations (as a teenager mine could go on for hours) a lot of mazes, flowers, trees, circles, patterns and faces were inked onto them.

After the advent of the laptop, smartphone, notepad, and the blogosphere, encountering  a clean sheet of white paper, a telephone diary or a journal is becoming rare and so I wonder if doodling is dying a slow death?

The Psychology of Doodling (and a Funny Story)

Doodling is defined as a type of sketch or unfocused drawing made while a person’s attention is otherwise occupied. In the same way that dreams are said to offer us a glimpse into our unconscious, psychologists believe doodling can give us an insight into our deepest thoughts and feelings.

Psychologists say that doodles are expressions of the subconscious mind. The subconscious is also the birthplace of all forms of creativity. Thus, through doodles the subconscious gains a medium to break free of rules of language and translation and surface through direct symbolic expression and creative expression. So the next time someone asks ‘what are you doing?’ when you are caught doodling, don’t feel embarrassed to have to explain yourself.  Surprisingly, doodling is not always random, nonsensical and crazy- the symbols that surface in doodles have meaning and contain messages from the unconscious says Dr Robert Burns (formerly the director of the Institute for Human Development at the University of Seattle). Signs and symbols are part of our collective unconscious- a level of the conscious that is not unique to an individual and consists of “thought and experience shared collectively by humans” (Jungian psychology).

Doodling is akin to dreaming in the sense that it also uses a form of picture language- but the best part is that you can look back at your doodle and interpret it but you can’t really do that with dreams now can you?. Funny story here, the British media had a field day with Tony Blair when he left doodles in what seemed to be junk papers left behind on the desk after a press conference, so some random all-boy picked up these papers and said “hmm, ill use that to make fun of Mr: Blair”. These doodles found their way to psychologists who put on their self-important analytical hats and said “tch tch, the man is not cut out to be a natural leader”, “is really stressed” and “struggling to balance too many issues at once”. Guess what? the doodles weren’t Tony’s but of Bill Gates of Microsoft who was sitting next to the British prime minister during the press conference.

Blair's doodle turns out to be Gate's doodle

Blair's doodle turns out to be Gate's doodles

Doodling better than Daydreaming

Asked to remember names they’d heard on a recording, people who doodled while listening had better recall than those who didn’t. This suggests that a slightly distracting secondary task may actually improve concentration during the performance of dull tasks that would otherwise cause a mind to wander (Plymouth university research).

The human attention software loaded on our brains has a fixed amount of RAM, and is not very good at multitasking so it can’t watch TV and read, retain,understand and process new information (thus the failed quiz) or pay attention to all the minute details of driving safely while even on hands-free during driving. So, while in class listening to a lecture or in a round table corporate meeting doodling is the lesser of the two evils when compared to full on day dreaming because simply put, “Doodling takes only a small cognitive load, but it’s just enough to keep your mental resources focused on the main task” says Jackie Andrade a University of Plymouth psychologist.

So paradoxically it seems that the human race pioneered the art of doodling to help concentrate on a mundane, boring task and keep attention demanding daydreaming just at bay.

Meanings of Common Doodles

(In this section I have just summarized evidence from the web)

Shapes

Straight lines vs Curved lines: Straight lines show strong willpower and self-control and an affinity for facts, while those who prefer curved strokes are more flexible, imaginative and emotional.

Pointed shapes: Determined people who need an outlet for their mental and physical energy tend to draw things with triangular or pointed shapes- arrows, weapons, kites, stars, zig-zags

Square shapes: Down-to-earth, practical people who need security and like to be in control tend to draw things with square shapes or flat surfaces, or symbols of material security- squares, boxes, houses.

Circular shapes: Emotional people who want harmony and love tend to draw things with circular or rounded shapes, or symbols of love and femininity- circles, spirals, suns, flowers, hearts, faces, lips, eyes.

Sizing and Spacing

Size and spacing reflect lifestyle and balance in relationships. A large object in relation to the space on which it is drawn, shows they are outgoing, appear confident and have a busy life, while a small one suggests they observe more than they participate, like their personal space and prefer a quiet life. Good balance shows mature give and take, clear thinking and good organisation.

Location of Doodle on the Page

Center- extroverted and needs attention or personal space

Top- confident and a faucet of ideas

Left- nostalgic for the past

Right- lefthanded bloke or expression of hidden thoughts and ideas

Styles and Strokes

The mood and sense of movement (lively, peaceful, static, rushed, disturbed etc) reflect a person’s temperament, dynamism and well-being at the time, while the strength of the strokes indicates what energy went into the doodling.

Light Short Sketchy Lines: People who are sensitive or hesitant tend to draw with short, light or sketchy lines

Long Firm Strokes: Determined people who feel strongly about things

Digging into the paper: Frustration

Going over and over someting: Stuck with a problem

Heavy shading: Depression or worry.

Drawing lines or objects in rows shows good organisation, a methodical approach and a liking for order and control. More disorderly-looking doodles are done by lively people who like freedom to do things on the spur of the moment but have a tendency to get side-tracked. Chaotic doodles suggest problems coping with life or possibly some mental disturbance.

Style and strokes show temperament, energy, drive and strength of feeling.

Some simple Doodles and their Meanings (A-Z of Doodling)

Arrows:

Arrows indicate a person who is aggressively ambitious.

Boxes:

Boxes are usually drawn by men. Stacked boxes indicates methodical thinking. Closed boxes signify self-centredness, and a desire for privacy. Open boxes may be a reflection of a wish to welcome someone. Alternatively, they may represent a desire to escape from a restrictive situation.

Cats:

Doodles of cats need to be examined carefully. Is it playful in nature, or is it a spiteful/aggressive cat? The nature of the cat indicates it’s meaning.

Dots:

Dots forming a pattern or picture are sometimes the doodles of a fragmented personality. They can also indicate an extremem state of anxiety or a lack of stability.

Eyes:

Doodles of eyes are often sign of a wish to be alluring. However, repeatedly doodled eyes may indicate that they feel constantly watched.

Flowers:

Most flowers are doodled by women, and are romantic in nature. Indicating a desire to blossom and be fruitful in life.

Guns:

Doodled guns are a sign of subconscious agression.

Houses:

Houses are one of the most common doodles. Usually drawn by women, they can show how the person feels about their home environment. Clues can be found in whether the front door is open or closed; whether there is smoke coming from a chimney (showing a welcoming fire). An unhappy home is usually represented by asymmetrical structures without windows.

Intricate Patterns:

Very detailed doodles are often drawn by people who have an obsessive nature, and who simply will not let go of their ambitions or loved ones. They are also likely to be jottings of highly introverted people.

Jets:

Aeroplanes of all kinds are said to be evidence of a strong sex drive.

Keys:

A doodled key could mean that you are desperately seeking the means to escape from a claustrophobic situation.

Lips:

Lips usually point to a frustrated sexual desire of some kind. Usually drawn by women.

Mazes:

An intricate maze suggests that you feel that you’re in a tight spot. Alternatively, it could be a sign of the need for protection from a threatening element in your life.

Newspaper Headlines:

People who fill in or embellish the letters in newspaper headlines are thought to be the soldiers in life rather than the initiatore.

Oceans:

These doodles are typical of people who spend a lot of time indulging in their imaginatioins, but who rarely put their dreams into practice.

Portraits:

Faces are usually doodled by adolescent girls, seeking to produce an idealized self-portrait. Faces in profile, however, can be a sign of an introverted personality. Comic faces are usually drawn by men, indicating a desire to be the centre of attention.

Question Marks:

These signify a difficult decision, or doubt about your role in life.

Robots:

Doodling a robot is an indication that, that is precisely how you feel: lacking self-assertion and bored with your day-to-day life.

Signatures:

Repeatedly doodling your name is a sign of an identity problem.
These doodles are often done by recently married women in attempt to assure themselves of the’r new surname.

Stars:

Repeated star shapes are often drawn by the irrepressibly romantic.

Trees:

A tree which is doodles without leaves or roots can show how you feel inside: isolated and without strong family ties. A tree which is blowing in the wind may show instability in a relationship.

Umbrella’s:

This generally signifies a desire to extend help to a loved one, or to protect yourself from unpleasent outside influences.

Vehicles:

Doodles of luxury cars usually represent a desire for the material things in life. A doodled train, however, signifies someone who is more likely to proceed with caution, but is determined to get there in the end.

Webs:

These can symbolize a sense of being trapped, or a desire to entice someone into a particulaer relationship/situation.

Yachts:

These usually represent a wish to escape from restricting circumstances.

Zigzags:

This repeated pattern may signal a need for comfort, or a need to regress to childhood in order to escape from the harsh everyday reality.

(Evidence taken from nationaldoodleday.org.uk, consellingcentral.com and bbc.co.uk)

Overfriendly Taxi Drivers

“Bring one Devil’s Steak”

“Will that be it?” (Disappointment)…

“Would you like to try the ‘Blah Salad’? Order it with any steak of your choice and you get it for half the price”

“No, Thanks” (Awkwark smile followed by a stare)…

“Our today’s special is ‘Howicanirritatethehelloutofyou’ maybe you would like to sample?”

“JUST THE STEAK PLEASE!”

Believe it or not there is such a thing as over-friendly service. Waiters, and taxi drivers top my list. Ever visited a restaurant (Lal Qila,  Nawab, or a random dhabba) and wonder why the waiter talks too much, insists that you order more or tells jokes? Initially it seems flattering and some people  might even enjoy this type of attention but for a lot of us it is just plain irritating.

The people at salons also indulge in overfriendliness. Go for a hair cut and you will be offered massages and facials for your stressed appearance or for that black-head infested nose. Low blow marketing strategy! They are just plain mean.

Taxi drivers too can be over friendly. The US Department of State in it’s travel.state.gov website’s note to Americans’ travelling to the UAE goes like this…

Taxi passengers should avoid sitting in the front seat of a taxicab and should be sensitive that “small talk” can be misinterpreted as over-friendliness or even a form of propositioning by some taxi drivers. Victims of harassment are encouraged to report such incidents to the U.S. Embassy in Abu Dhabi or the U.S. Consulate General in Dubai.

Google ‘overfriendly taxi drivers in Dubai’ and this is what comes up. Good advice. Everyone new to Dubai should take it. Wait, on second thought- only expat women travelling alone in Dubai taxi’s should. A typical conversation with one in ten Dubai taxi drivers (the other 9 are thankfully the silent types)  might start with a simple question:

“Which gate of the mall would you like to be dropped off?”

“I don’t know, I just want to go to the devil’s office on the thirteenth floor”

“So you are looking for a job? These are bad times ma’am. So you haven’t found one yet?”

“No, I am looking”

“I have lived in all the Emirates of UAE and Dubai is the best, does not make you feel like you are away from home at all. I live in Irritateville. Where are you from? “

“Farmville”

“Oh, if you have any problems ever, at any place, any time, no matter how late, any problems at all, just give me a call, here is my card”

“???”

For newbies/tourists this sort of chit-chat might seem welcoming and warm- from a taxi driver turned tour guide. who gives you a feel of the new city and an interesting story to narrate. But it is usually good practice to cut the courtesy and stop the conversation when it starts feeling like an interview.

There is no need to network with taxi drivers, because taxi’s can be officially called at any desired pick up point by calling an official government designated line. A friend of a friend was unfortunate and didn’t know otherwise, she had to go to the airport at an ungodly hour and called on the drivers personal cell number to request a pickup and afterwards received sms’s from the guy whenever he was in her area.

Not all taxi drivers are overfriendly; heck some are not even friendly and are downright rude- they will zoom past, refuse to stop and leave you standing in the inferno that is Dubai in summer. That said, do watch out for the occasional chummy fellow and pull on your headphones.

The menace of ‘All-you-can-eat’ during Ramazan

4 KG of food is wasted on average by each person during an ‘all you can eat’ iftar buffet in Dubai

25-30% rise in food wastage during Ramazan in Dubai

500 tonnes of food gets thrown away in Abu-Dhabi during Ramzan

29,000 Somali children under 5 dead in famine

It is my first Ramazan in Dubai, but the all-you-can-eat deals are no different than in Karachi except that they are more lavish, more expensive and more wasteful. In every newspaper, magazine, pamphlet and webpage there are numerous ad’s of all-you-can-eat deals ranging from 250 Dirhams (Rs 5750 Rs) to 70 Dirhams (Rs 1600).

I wonder what message the non-Muslim expats living in Dubai must get out of this? Are they forced to wonder why fasting Muslims turn into feasting monsters at sunset? It seems like Ramazan is a 30 day food festival. The emphasis on food and fine dining and iftar buffets is disgusting. What should be a month of abstinence and detoxification of the mind and body has become a month of shameless, and wasteful feasting.

I can not ignore the fact that currently there is a famine (though it might be man made) in the horn of Africa and thousands of children are dead and more dying each day. Every morsel that goes from the plate to the bin should therefore count. An image of a starving, skin-and-bones Somalian child should come to mind each time a plate full of food is thrown in the bin. But imagine 500 tonnes! It is repulsive.

Back home (Karachi), I had a maid come clean my house everyday- as is the norm. One day I was watching TV as she mopped the floor and suddenly she stopped to reflect on an ad that was playing, “I really like this powdered milk sachet which costs me Rs 5..it lasts for a whole week if I use it carefully to make just one cup of tea every morning,” she said. So forget Somalia and look around yourself. In Pakistan, there are people who cannot afford to give their children a glass of milk or worse. And here we are piling food on our plates, trying to sample everything on the 50 item iftar buffet so that the lighter pocket is compensated by the much heavier plate and conscience?

(Statistics courtesy Xpress- Gulf News)

10 Disciplining Strategies that Never Achieve Anything

Inside the classroom or with your own children at home these disciplining techniques may work on and off but they will definitely not work in the long run. Thus, best avoid them. The list includes:

  1. Raising your voice.
  2. Yelling at the top of your lungs.
  3. Humiliating, insulting and degrading your pupils.
  4. Preaching- those long, boring, yawn-inducing lectures on the good old days of your own student life? Seriously? How do you expect the students to relate?
  5. Making the pupil stand up, or stand in front of the class for the rest of the hour- this seems like a reward for disruptive behavior as the student gets to daydream and make faces instead of learning something
  6. Banging the duster on to the whiteboard and throwing a temper tantrum- congrats you just made a fool out of yourself and provided ample free entertainment.
  7. Mimicking the student.
  8. Making comparisons between students or siblings.
  9. Sending the student to the principals office- this may scare the little ones but for older pupils this means nothing.
  10. Double standards- if you don’t model the behavior you expect in class or even at home it will just never happen.

The Rise of the Nerd

Have you noticed that nowadays when we wage senseless wars on each other- we attack through drones? The uber-masculine fighter pilot is sadly being rendered obsolete by a zuckerberg (of facebook) like or sheldon (of the Tv series Big Bang Theory) like nerdy person who masterminded, invented, built, and operates ‘the drone’. Sigh! The power equation has changed.

The nerds now rule. Computer geeks and nerds especially.I hear that the highest paid people in the market today are the genius IT people? The tall, dark and handsome but just smart marketing and sales guys making peanuts and driving lemons when compared? Seems like being smart and handsome just doesn’t cut it anymore. The nerds have finally gotten their revenge.

It seems as if the entire world is witnessing ‘the rise of the nerd’? I hear that Bill Gates once said, “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one,”. True that. Real life Mark Zuckerberg and the movie ‘Social Network’ made on him is the greatest example I can think of.

The nerds are doing well on TV too, and can now be seen taking the lead everywhere. Nerds no longer play the faithful-sidekick-being-ridiculed-all-the-time role. No sir. The nerd is now the central character of highly well received shows like ‘Big Bang Theory’, ‘Chuck’, ‘Mythbusters’, and ‘Dexter’s Labratory’ to name a few.

I‘ll focus on BBT for now. Sheldon and Leonard are roommates living across the hall from Penny- an aispiring but failing actress working as a waitress who dropped out from community college (this is a source of much mockery in the show). Both are caltech prodigies and genius physicists, though Sheldon has one or two more Ph.D’s than Leonard and possibly OCD too. Anyways, Penny’s boyfriends are usually stupid-tall-brawny (read: the male dumb-blonde) guys like Kurt (in the pilot episode) and Zack, who are a minority on the show and a source of much mockery and ridicule. Observe now that the Nerds have the upper hand. They can and are now seen bullying the ‘muggles’ (as seen in season four episode eleven refer to http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1632226/synopsis).

The media represents (or re – presents) reality as we know it in order to sell its products. This is achieved through a range of codes and conventions which are usually readily understood at either a conscious or subconscious level by the consumers of these media products, the audience. Audiences can ‘read’ representations because they reflect the social values of the audience.

Social values are changing, the nerds are gaining ascendancy in real life and in reel life. Hence, “The Rise of the Nerd”.

“Beyond Blue to Green: The Al-Nahda Pond Park”

I enter the park. It is 8 pm, the sun has gone down, and there is a hot buzz in the air as I nearly miss colliding with a budding athlete who runs past me smiling. I say ‘hey’ to two random women sitting on the bench swapping their stories for the day while my toddler runs towards the swings. I have to jog to keep up with him and hence I trod alongside the manicured lawns and neat rows of pink and yellow flowers.

Near the swings I catch up with my tiny tot and with Zainab, my neighbor. She’s keeping an eye on her two sons as they rough house. “Going to the park helps me vent, my children get fresh air and go to sleep earlier and I get to step out and forget my chores,” confides Zainab, a mother of two who frequents the Al Nahda Pond Park almost everyday.
For a lot of people frequenting the park spread over an impressive 14.6 hectares, it’s a calming and relaxing de-tox experience. Being at home or at office all day is taxing on health, you sit in an air-conditioned room all day long and are removed from nature. Going to the park and taking your children along offers the entire family a chance to unwind and relax in a green environment.

The park has a serene 80,000 sq meter wide pond. For the fitness conscious there is a jogging track and a cycling track. For the sports players there are football, tennis & beach volleyball courts. For quiet family picnics and parties there are covered areas to sit and snack. For the kids there is a children’s play area with slides, swings, see-saws, monkey bars etc.
“The park has something for everyone, my dad is jogging while mom has taken my younger brother to the slides and I am playing ball here with a couple of my friends,” said 14-year-old Rajesh. He comes to the park everyday and to support his enthusiasm, sometimes his entire family tags along.

Five Benefits of going to the Park

1- Research carried out by beyondblue (a national, independent, not-for-profit organization working to address issues associated with depression, anxiety and related disorders in Australia) suggests that access to the natural environment will improve your overall health and prevent illnesses such as depression, obesity and heart disease.
2- ‘Me’ time allows you to focus on your mind and body instead of that deadline you have to meet.
3- You can finally know who all live in your building! You can socialize with people living in your vicinity and have meaningful human interactions (very essential if you are new to the city, lonely and haven’t made any friends yet).
4- If you have kids (of any age) they can indulge in free play and flex those muscles they haven’t been using while watching TV or playing video games. Nature based activities at the park have personally given my two year old a new sense of freedom to make his own discoveries. Not to mention free play at the park winds him down later on at night, he sleeps better, eats without fuss and there is less disruptive behavior to deal with. (The benefits of going to the park for children are so many that they call for another article!).
5- Tons of psychological benefits too. It’s a picturesque, calming happy place to escape away from school, home or workplace. The change of scenery and the soothing effect of the 80,000 square meter pond improves mood, lowers anxiety, stress and guards against ‘the blues’ (depression).

Conclusion

Good to remember that there is a significant correlation between mental health and greenness. So the next time you head towards the mall and indulge in retail therapy consider the green alternative and take a stroll in the park. Trust me, if you are looking for an aesthetically, socially and psychologically pleasing experience to boost your mood and self esteem, -you will not be disappointed!
Kudos to the Dubai municipality for undertaking this Dh 22 million project, for it really is changing lifestyles. And in future efforts must be made to improve quality of life in all neighborhoods’ and cities through increasing access to parks and green areas.

Why Androidify?

Notes from a Droidette: Top Reasons why Women should use Android

I love my Android phone. Thank heavens my husband forced me into buying a droid (my short term for all phones with a Google Android operating system). But let’s see, hmm, why need I be forced in the first place? Peer pressure. While most of my hubby’s friends are passionate about the latest Android OS versions and apps and phones, none of my girl friends engage in any sort of droid-talk. So ladies listen up! Droids are ultra cool and come in a vast range of shapes and prices. You need not dole out a large amount of money to obtain an android smart phone. I didn’t want to either, as my toddler is really fond of cell phones and someway or the other will get his hands on it. Thus I got the Samsung Galaxy mini, it has Wi-Fi, 3G, GPS and FM Radio (missing in most smart phones) and it provides me with the full smart phone experience in not much money. And now I can’t live without my precious droid!

Why Androidify?
1- There is no need to get up in the morning and wait for windows to start up in order to check mail and read the facebook news feed. I just need to pick up my cell phone.
2- While watching my weight I can food log on an application called MyFitnessPal, it shows me how many calories I have consumed already and how many I have left in order to reach my desired weight loss target. I cannot tell you how convenient this is, I adore this app.
3- I can amuse myself with games like the really addictive Angry Birds (free on Android but paid on Apple iOS). And I can go on the android market to download any game that catches my whimsy.
4- No need to find a pen, I just make my ‘to do’ list, grocery list, or packing list with android apps.
5- I can keep my fussy toddler entertained in flight, or in car with popping virtual bubbles or virtual coloring. So many toddler games are available for free in the android market.
6- In the kitchen and forgot the recipe for bolognaise sauce? No worries just swype in the keyword in the Google widget and there it is.

So ladies, the take home lesson is simple- Androidify your phone you won’t ever regret it.

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